truely a submissive?...or just confused as hell?

So this blog of mine is mostly to ask the help of anyone reading to help me sort out this confusion. As you will read, I have a lot of thoughts and fantasies focused on submission and domination. The thought of being dominated is a turn on, and I feel as though some days I deserve to be punished, but my finance' and I have yet to take that step. My hope is that a few of you out there will read my thoughts, know where I'm coming from, and give me some tips about what it is I'm looking for...whether it be starting a sub/dom relationship, or to just keep fantisizing.. thanks! <3 Lyta